Dear World Athletics,
We, the underdog enthusiasts and weightier wanderers of the running world, implore you to embrace a revolutionary idea that could change the face of marathon running forever: organize marathon results by weight divisions, not age categories. It’s high time to recognize that while age is just a number, weight… well, weight is a gravitational force to be reckoned with.
Hear us out. Boxing did it. Wrestling did it. Even Jake Paul and Mike Tyson are duking it out (hypothetically speaking, for now) because they’re in the same weight class, not the same birth decade. Let’s add marathons to the mix. It’s not just a good idea—it’s a heavyweight one.
Obesity: The Real Opponent
First, let’s tackle the elephant in the room (or maybe the hippo on the scale): obesity. The average global weight is 62 kg (137 lbs) for women and 77 kg (170 lbs) for men. This is significantly higher in countries like the US, where the average man weighs 90 kg (198 lbs) and the average woman weighs 77 kg (170 lbs). Meanwhile, elite marathoners like Eliud Kipchoge and Brigid Kosgei are floating around at a featherweight 52 kg (115 lbs) and 45 kg (99 lbs), respectively.
This disparity isn’t just about athletic performance; it’s a global health crisis. By introducing weight divisions, running could become the accessible, relatable, and inclusive sport it was meant to be. Imagine the motivation to shed those extra pounds to qualify for the Middleweight Marathon Majors! Suddenly, the world’s most daunting challenge isn’t the wall at mile 20—it’s the pizza wall at 10 p.m.
Size Matters: The Case for Weight Divisions
Boxing and wrestling understand one universal truth: size matters. A heavyweight boxer wouldn’t dream of stepping into the ring with a flyweight. Why? Because gravity, my friends, is the ultimate equalizer. If it’s good enough for Mike Tyson, it’s good enough for marathoners.
Imagine the thrill of a 95-kg runner powering through Heartbreak Hill, defying every stereotype that tells us runners need to be wispy waifs. Picture the suspense as a burly 110-kg sprinter overtakes a competitor in the final 200 meters. It’s the kind of drama that puts Netflix to shame.
Even in the animal kingdom, weight doesn’t always mean slow. Cheetahs may be fast, but hippos can run at 30 km/h (18 mph) on land. Heck, the rhinoceros—clocking in at up to 2,300 kg—can hit speeds of 50 km/h (31 mph). If nature itself proves that big and fast aren’t mutually exclusive, why can’t World Athletics?
Introducing BOAT: Biggest of All Time
Enough with GOAT (Greatest of All Time). We need BOAT: Biggest of All Time. This acronym would celebrate runners who combine speed and size in a way that redefines endurance sport. Think of a marathon where competitors in the “Super Heavyweight” division (over 120 kg) battle it out for BOAT supremacy. These athletes wouldn’t just finish marathons—they’d stampede through them, leaving spectators in awe.
Boston Qualifiers by Weight Class
Now let’s talk Boston. The current system asks all men aged 18–34 to qualify under 3:00:00. But what if we added weight divisions? Here’s how it could look:
- Flyweight (under 60 kg): 2:30:00
- Lightweight (60–75 kg): 2:45:00
- Middleweight (75–90 kg): 3:15:00
- Cruiserweight (90–105 kg): 3:45:00
- Heavyweight (105–120 kg): 4:30:00
- Super Heavyweight (120+ kg): 5:30:00
Imagine the excitement of a 92-kg “Cruiserweight” qualifying for Boston, his hulking frame tearing through the Newton hills like a battering ram. That’s not just a race—that’s a spectacle.
Comic Relief: When Hulk Goes for Sub-3
For a little comic relief, let’s throw in some pop-culture heroes. Picture the Hulk smashing his way through a marathon. At over 500 kg, he’d need his own division (“Gammaweight”), but who’s going to argue with the guy? The Flash would dominate the Flyweight category, while Thor—hammer in hand—would swing his way to victory in the Heavyweight division. And let’s not forget Shrek. He’s the ideal mascot for the Super Heavyweights: big, green, and surprisingly agile.
Weight Divisions of Top Marathoners
Now, let’s look at the weight divisions of the top 10 marathoners (men and women) of all time:
Men:
- Eliud Kipchoge: 52 kg (Flyweight)
- Kelvin Kiptum: 56 kg (Flyweight)
- Kenenisa Bekele: 55 kg (Flyweight)
- Haile Gebrselassie: 54 kg (Flyweight)
- Mosinet Geremew: 53 kg (Flyweight)
- Birhanu Legese: 51 kg (Flyweight)
- Dennis Kimetto: 58 kg (Flyweight)
- Wilson Kipsang: 57 kg (Flyweight)
- Patrick Makau: 59 kg (Flyweight)
- Eliud Kipchoge (again, because why not?): Still 52 kg.
Women:
- Brigid Kosgei: 45 kg (Featherweight)
- Paula Radcliffe: 54 kg (Flyweight)
- Tigist Assefa: 49 kg (Featherweight)
- Ruth Chepngetich: 47 kg (Featherweight)
- Mary Keitany: 50 kg (Flyweight)
- Yalemzerf Yehualaw: 48 kg (Featherweight)
- Peres Jepchirchir: 46 kg (Featherweight)
- Gladys Cherono: 49 kg (Featherweight)
- Worknesh Degefa: 50 kg (Flyweight)
- Brigid Kosgei (because why not?): Still 45 kg.
Clearly, the Flyweights are crushing it—but that’s only because the Heavyweights haven’t had their time to shine.
Running for All: The Universal Appeal
Weight divisions would make running more universal. Imagine a world where a 110-kg dad from Kanpur can aim for a podium finish, competing against others in his weight class instead of being lapped by 55-kg elites. It’s not just inspiring; it’s democratizing.
This change could even influence global health. Studies show that collective goals can shift cultural norms. If running becomes an achievable goal for every body type, average weights could drop across the board. We’re not just talking marathons here; we’re talking about a revolution.
Conclusion: A Heavyweight Decision
World Athletics, we’re counting on you to make this massive decision. Organizing marathons by weight divisions isn’t just a good idea—it’s the best idea since the invention of carbo-loading. Let’s celebrate the BOATs, encourage healthier lifestyles, and turn marathons into the most inclusive sporting event in history.
In the words of the Hulk: “SMASH!”
Yours (weightily) in running,
The Underdogs of the Road